People can be a pain in the butt at times. It gets tough to handle them. Usually, most of us end up being angry. However, shouting and yelling does no good. We end up exploiting our energies in vain. Shouting and yelling may force people to do the work, but they will generate a feeling of resentment. So is it possible to change people without giving offense? Yes, According to Dale Carnegie’s classic book ‘How To Win Friends and Influence People’, it is possible to change people without arousing resentment. These rules are simple but very effective. We can easily apply them in our daily lives. With some care, any one can be changed without giving offense. Here are the 9 ways to do that.
1. Praise and sincere appreciation
Before you criticize someone, it is ideal to begin with praise and sincere appreciation. Beginning with praise is like giving a Novocain before performing the operation. Make sure you don’t offer flattery, just give a sincere appreciation. Every one has at least one or two qualities. You have to be the rare person who can see the good in others. Before pointing out the negative points, make the person feel important. This is what the idea of beginning with praise is all about.
2. Call attention to their mistakes indirectly
Beginning with praise is a great idea. Although most people add the word ‘but’ along with it. For example- “You have tried really hard but the performance is still not satisfactory. How about replacing the word ‘but’ with ‘and’. For example- ‘You have tried really hard and I hope the unsatisfactory performance will go away soon’.
3. Talk about your own mistake as well
At times, we commit some mistakes as well. So why not let the other person know about them before you point their mistakes. For example- ‘I know even I’ve been taking these things lightly and I could’ve worked hard. And I want you to know that I expect better results from you. The performance was not satisfactory’.
4. Do not give orders
No one likes to take orders. A good leader understands this and makes his team do things, not by giving orders but by asking questions. For example, instead of saying ‘Hey! Come here and do this thing’, a good leader says, ‘Hey there, would it be possible for you to do this thing?’. When you ask questions, the other person feels special. He feels that you care about him and thus sincerely completes the work.
5. Let the other person save face
Instead of putting people down, you must let them save face. So next time you need to do remove someone avoid things like, ‘Hey. We’re really sorry but we do not need your services anymore. We hope you have a great future.’ Instead replace it with, ‘Hey. You know how useful you have been to the firm. Your services have helped us achieve many deals. We hope to work again with you in the future.’
6. Praise every small improvement
Got a employee who is stuck in his work? It is tine you start praising the small details as well. It will make him feel special and he will further prosper. Great leaders are well aware of the power of sincere appreciation. So be hearty in your criticism and lavish in your praise.
7. Give the person a fine reputation
This works on a 9 year kid as well. There was a mischievous, mess creating boy in a classroom. The teacher did everything but could not control his behavior. So, she decided to make him the monitor of the class. She told him, ‘You have great leadership skills boy’. She praised on every minute detail. Guess what happened? The boy’s behavior improved, drastically!
8. Use encouragement
This one is really important. Instead of criticizing if we start using encouragement, the results will be much better. Using encouragement, many autistic children have become completely normal. Encouragement gives a person hope. And with hope, he goes ahead and does wonders. So, next time you someone performing unsatisfactorily, instead of criticism, use encouragement.
9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest
The idea is that the person should feel good about doing the thing you suggested. Great leaders understand this rule very well. They instruct in such a manner that the other person feels responsible to complete the task. He takes pride in doing it and sincerely completes the task.
I’ll end it with a great quote by Deepak Chopra, “Enlightened leadership is spiritual if we understand spirituality not as some kind of religious dogma or ideology but as the domain of awareness where we experience values like truth, goodness, beauty, love and compassion, and also intuition, creativity, insight and focused attention.”