Time and again, we find ourselves reading a facebook status that speaks volumes about some book or glancing at a picture that has some stock traits like a dark background, a dim light somewhere in the corner and a wonderful quote in an awe-inspiring font. The social networking sites are overflowing these days with posts regarding books and benefits of reading. Being a bibliophile has started becoming a sort of cult fashion statement that everyone tries to endorse but then, there are fake ones and real ones here too. If you are caught in the web of real and fake and are grappling with the reality of fiction, then you can just see through these signs and confirm your membership in the Narnia of reading. If you are sure you are not, then, maybe, this will remind you of the sometimes-annoying-yet-intellectual person in your English class.
1. The Never-ending reading list
This is one thing that you love the most and hate the most too. This love-hate relationship between you and your reading list is one that gives you the worst mood swings that have ever taken place on this planet. And that is when you are not even PMS-ing or are not even capable of doing that due to your chromosomes! You want to read every thing that comes your way. Your list of to-be-read books is longer than the list of Hugh Hefner’s girlfriends. Did that analogy just make you cringe? Well, another sign, maybe. Whenever you walk into a bookstore, you do not want to buy all the books. You just want to buy the entire bookstore with all those comfortable couches and little coffee tables and most importantly, the smell.
2. That Smell: Aphrodisiac
You walk into a library and pick up a book randomly. You smell it. And the rest cannot be explained in words or are you already lost in that feeling with your eyes closed? The smell of an old book is a better aphrodisiac than chocolates and strawberries combined. No matter how many times the accumulated dust over those yellowed pages would make you sneeze, you would still keep it pressed against your nose and inhale all the opium out of it. However, the smell of a new book is as orgasmic as that of an old book. It is that smell which sends you into a state of trance and you are absolutely able to relate with our dear Kubla Khan.
3. The name is Nazi, Grammar Nazi.
You’re definitely capable of writing this sentence on your own. You know there is d-e-f-i-n-i-t-e-l-y not an ‘a’ in it. ‘You’re’ aware of ‘your’ impeccable grammar and deep inside you do think high of yourself for the same. You have assumed the Grammar Nazi’s Burden and are out there to civilise the barbarians because White Man’s is so passé. You are the one who can break the flow of any argument effortlessly by pointing out the hideous grammar of your opponent and emerge with an illuminating halo. You are most likely to break up with your boyfriend/girlfriend because in their words, you “hurted” them. Or maybe you have already done so! Snobbery. No apologies. *wink*
4. Thou shalt be killed, disturbing element.
So, you have your pyjamas on and are lazing in the bed one fine afternoon with the intention of reading the entire 476 page novel today itself and you are completely, deeply engrossed in it. But, what happens in the next moment turns you into a blood sucking monster with yellow wolf eyes. You become The Predator and the entire world is now your prey. The feelings of frustration and revenge have overpowered your sanity but you are cool with it as according to you, other people too are insane as they tried to disturb you while you were reading the portion where Darcy proposes to Elizabeth! If someone disturbs you while you are reading, you consider it blasphemous. It is sacrilege. And being burnt at stakes is a punishment so trifle for those conspirators-traitors.
5. Oh, this is just a stereotype.
Now, when you have reached the last portion of this list, you are probably thinking this is just another stupid and shallow case of stereotyping! You are digging out the faintest recollection from your mind palace of the times where you have not showed the above mentioned traits. Deep down, you know that being a bibliophile, your body is oozing with these eccentric habits but hey, whatever happened to the English lectures against forming stereotypes. Maybe, now you are thinking deeply about life and delving into those forbidden labyrinths of human psyche where nothing is straight forward. Yet, that would not stop you from being your own Sigmund Freud and Camus. Maybe, I should just leave you with your thoughts, hoping for the rise of the bibliophiles.