You are calm. No one has seen you yelling at somebody. You have never raised your hand at anyone. Does this mean God made you without the emotion of anger? Are you one of those people who say “I never get angry? I have self control.” You are under a false impression!
There are two kinds of anger- Implosive and Explosive. You lie in the former category.
A student is bullied every day, he never complains, his parents are unaware and he never hits the bully back. Next day he packs lunch, books and a gun in his bag. Boom! He kills 20 students and then himself. This is implosive anger.
The anger is bottled up every day. The student never reacts, puts on a mask and calmly tolerates everything. It seems normal to everyone until he can no longer keep it inside him and the anger bursts out like a volcano. Later the reporters get this feedback from the neighbors, “We are shocked. He was calm and quiet always.”
Another example is the dialogue of Dr Rydell in Anger Management-
Dr. Buddy Rydell: Let me explain something to you, Dave. There are two kinds of angry people in this world: explosive and implosive. Explosive is the kind of individual you see screaming at the cashier for not taking their coupons. Implosive is the cashier who remains quiet day after day and finally shoots everyone in the store. You’re the cashier.
Dave Buznik: No, no, no. I’m the guy hiding in the frozen food section dialing 911. I swear.
Dave`s reply shows the first sign of being an implosive person. He denies he is angry.
1)The “We never get angry” kinds
This is the first sign- DENYING. Everybody experiences the emotion of anger, frustration and depression. The only difference is that some people can hide it well than others. An implosive personality will never admit they are angry. They never feel the need to yell or hit back. Sometimes they themselves are unaware that they are angry. When they become aware, they always have an answer ready for their erratic behavior- “I am not well”, “Why would I be angry”, “I am okay”
They are not. There are two voices in their head. One is shouting, screaming curses and the other one is the calm composed voice which comes out of their mouth. Denying the anger doesn’t make it go away. It resides in their brain and gets accumulated over time. A time comes when they can no longer deny it to themselves and they slip into the second stage.
This is the second stage. The person believes that if he stays away from the person who triggered these emotions, the anger might subside. They cut off the contact. Switch off their phones, ignore them and do everything to never run into them. They become detached from the surroundings and evade all the questions put to them. They reassure themselves that they will pass off the anger phase by pushing it at the farthest corner of their mind. They give silent treatment to the person. Try to show that they mean nothing and their actions don`t matter. Their answers become monosyllabic and they pretend to have no interest in the conversation.
Surrounding people feel you are alright. No violent outburst. No complain. Nothing. For them the chapter is closed. For you it is just a beginning of long mental turmoil.
3)The brooding kinds
People with implosive anger syndrome can never let go of the grudges. Every day they think of the same situation over and over like a tape. “He was wrong. He hurt me. I will make him pay some day. He is going regret his actions and on and on and on”
They brood. They think. They never forget. This excessive thinking makes the situation worse than it was in reality. The other person moves forward and is happy. This irritates them even more.
“Oh! He doesn’t even remember that time. He seems happy. Well he won`t be after sometime.”
This may seem like a dialogue of a vicious villain in am movie. But this is exactly what goes in the minds of people who never let their anger out.
People with implosive personality are hard to point out. It is only when the outburst happen much later that everyone realizes- Oh he was in anger. He kept it all inside for so long. There is no outlet for their emotions. They show neither a physical action nor assault verbally. This worsens the situation. Because temporarily they might succeed in avoiding a fight but they will go through physical and mental disturbance. Usually they take the anger out on themselves. These are the people who indulge in self cutting. Mentally they torture themselves by keeping it all inside and being stressed all the time.
The only way to avoid all this is to ACCEPT and CONFRONT. Accept that you are angry. Talk it out with friends and family. Confront the person who was responsible. Implosive anger will hurt only one person that is you. You might even realize that a small talk can diffuse your anger within minutes. You just have to take the first step.